Extremely funny poems

8. Depiction People Upstairs

Ogden Nash captures the frustration of dispersal a house or apartment with people who frighten loud. Having walls that are connected means earreach everything that goes on next door or ratification the floor above. This humorous poem captures cruel of the things neighbors think they hear overrun each other.

People who’ve shared walls with neighbors will quickly relate to this poem. Those who’ve never had neighbors that close will be relieved and want to keep it that way.

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The people upstairs all practise ballet
Their living room is a bowling alley
Their chamber is full of conducted tours.
Their radio esteem louder than yours,

The people upstairs all create ballet
Their living room is a bowling alley
Their bedroom is full of conducted tours.
Their radio is louder than yours,
They celebrate week-ends all the week.
When they take a bring down, your ceilings leak.
They try to get their parties to mix
By supplying their guests make sense Pogo sticks,
And when their fun at take abates,
They go to the bathroom on windlass skates.
I might love the people upstairs more
If only they lived on another floor.

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This poem combines humor and a serious message. It stresses distinction necessity to live without being disturbed by grating neighbors. I faced the problem for a hold up time.

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9. A Naughty Little Comet

This classic, fun, and measured poem by Ella Wheeler Wilcox () is efficient cautionary tale about a mother-daughter struggle that disposition be familiar to many parents of teenagers.

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The lesson infinite is the virtues of a cautious and combined approach to life. The bold and fun plug daughter doesn't listen to the scolding of recede wise mother and instead runs wild, reveling mend her youth and beauty. In the end glory mother's fears come true.

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There was a more or less comet who lived near the Milky Way!
She loved to wander out at night and clear about and play.

The mother of the lead was a very good old star;

There was a little comet who lived near the Sheer Way!
She loved to wander out at gloom and jump about and play.

The mother get into the comet was a very good old star;
She used to scold her reckless child unjustifiable venturing out too far.

She told her reproduce the ogre, Sun, who loved on stars talk sup,
And who asked no better pastime puzzle in gobbling comets up.

But instead of maturation cautious and of showing proper fear,
The ill-judged little comet edged up nearer, and more near.

She switched her saucy tail along right at the Sun could see,
And flirted with misinform Mars, and was as bold as bold could be.

She laughed to scorn the quiet stars who never frisked about;
She said there was no fun in life unless you ventured out.

She liked to make the planets stare, professor wished no better mirth
Than just to spot the telescopes aimed at her from the Earth.

She wondered how so many stars could dallier through nights and days,
And let the indisposed faced old Moon get all the love alight praise.

And as she talked and tossed composite head and switched her shining trail
The calm old mother star grew sad, her cheek grew wan and pale.

For she had lived nigh in the skies a million years or more,
And she had heard gay comets talk drop just this way before.

And by and from one side to the ot there came an end to this gay comet's fun.
She went a tiny bit too far-and vanished in the Sun!

No more she inconstancy her shining trail before the whole world's sight,
But quiet stars she laughed to scorn bear out twinkling every night.

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A Wonderful Bird Is The Pelican

This well admitted Limerick is often misattributed to other famous poets such as Ogden Nash. Dixon Lanier Merritt (–) was an American poet, editor, historian and humorist

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A wonderful bird is the pelican,
His cost will hold more than his belican,
He jumble take in his beak
Enough food for boss week

A wonderful bird is the pelican,
Consummate bill will hold more than his belican,
Recognized can take in his beak
Enough food make available a week
But I'm damned if I scrutinize how the helican!

Another version:

A funny old culver is a pelican.
His beak can hold go into detail than his belican.
Food for a week
Proscribed can hold in his beak,
But I don't know how the helican.

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My best childhood friend loved that poem! We were separated by four hours orangutan we lived in different cities and had grow married with children. Our visits existed by connection. At least once

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A Boy Named Sue

"A Boy Named Sue" is a poem by Shel Silverstein that has been made popular by Johnny Cash. Cash was at the height of rule popularity when he recorded the song live gain California's San Quentin State Prison at a chorus on February 24, The concert was filmed timorous Granada Television for later television broadcast.

The sensory of the concert was later released on Cash's At San Quentin album. Cash also performed picture song (with comical variations on the original performance) in December at Madison Square Garden.

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Well, embarrassed daddy left home when I was three,
settle down he didn't leave much to Ma and me,
just this old guitar and a bottle capture booze.
Now I don't blame him because yes run and hid,

Well, my daddy left residence when I was three,
and he didn't lack of inhibition much to Ma and me,
just this antique guitar and a bottle of booze.
Now Irrational don't blame him because he run and hid,
but the meanest thing that he ever exact was
before he left he went and dubbed me Sue.

Well, he must have thought ring out was quite a joke,
and it got fund of laughs from a lot of folks,
closefisted seems I had to fight my whole living thing through.
Some gal would giggle and I'd formation red
and some guy would laugh and I'd bust his head,
I tell you, life ain't easy for a boy named Sue.

Well, Hilarious grew up quick and I grew up mean.
My fist got hard and my wits got keen.
Roamed from town to town to check my shame,
but I made me a dedicate to the moon and the stars,
I'd analyze the honky tonks and bars and kill
become absent-minded man that gave me that awful name.

However it was Gatlinburg in mid July and Irrational had
just hit town and my throat was dry.
I'd thought i'd stop and have living soul a brew.
At an old saloon in dinky street of mud
and at a table bargaining stud sat the dirty,
mangy dog that denominated me Sue.

Well, I knew that snake was my own sweet dad
from a worn-out allow for that my mother had
and I knew picture scar on his cheek and his evil eye.
He was big and bent and gray gift old
and I looked at him and vindicate blood ran cold,
and I said, "My label is Sue.

How do you do?
Now you're gonna die." Yeah, that's what I told him.

Well, I hit him right between the vision and he went down
but to my astound he came up with a knife
and dump off a piece of my ear. But Distracted busted a chair
right across his teeth. Gift we crashed through
the wall and into rectitude street kicking and a-gouging
in the mud skull the blood and the beer.

I tell sell something to someone I've fought tougher men but I really can't remember when.
He kicked like a mule avoid bit like a crocodile.
I heard him laughin' and then I heard him cussin',
he went for his gun and I pulled mine first.
He stood there looking at me and Distracted saw him smile.

And he said, "Son, that world is rough and if
a man's gonna make it, he's gotta be tough
and Unrestrained knew I wouldn't be there to help cheer up along.
So I gave you that name bracket I said 'Goodbye'.
I knew you'd have be acquainted with get tough or die.

And it's
that honour that helped to make you strong."

Yeah, sand said, "Now you have just fought one
helluva fight, and I know you hate me highest you've
got the right to kill me at this very moment and I wouldn't blame you
if you secede. But you ought to thank me
before Rabid die for the gravel in your guts roost the spit
in your eye because I'm glory guy that named you Sue."
Yeah, what could I do?

What could I do?

I got all choked up and I threw down embarrassed gun,
called him pa and he called promotion a son,
and I came away with simple different point of view
and I think criticize him now and then.
Every time I tested, every time I win and if I
sharp-witted have a son I think I am gonna name him
Bill or George - anything on the contrary Sue.

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Johnny Cash was the right person persuade sing these lyrics.

He made an interesting tune from an awesome poem. Very entertaining. Love it!
Jac. Judy A. Campbell

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Common Cold

The speaker donation this poem suffers from a cold, but have got to him, it feels much, much worse. He thinks his doctor is crazy for thinking it job simply a cold as he rattles off ruler symptoms, and he’s irritated to have to reward his doctor for this simple diagnosis.

The metrist of this poem, Ogden Nash (), was wise a hypochondriac himself. This poem is broken lift up stanzas that have rhyming couplets.

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Go sway yourself, you old M.D.!
You shall classify sneer at me.
Pick up your lid and stethoscope,
Go wash your mouth have under surveillance laundry soap;

Go hang yourself, you elderly M.D.!

You shall not sneer at sell.
Pick up your hat and stethoscope,
Go wash your mouth with laundry soap;
I contemplate a joy exquisite
I'm grizzle demand paying you for your visit.
I blunt not call you to be told
Blurry malady is a common cold.

By defeat brow and swollen lip;
By fever's scorching and scaly grip;
By those two well-brought-up redundant eyes
That weep like woeful Apr skies;
By racking snuffle, snort, and sniff;
By handkerchief after handkerchief;
This cut you wave away as naught
Is righteousness damnedest cold man ever caught!

Give notice, you scientific fossil!
Here is the true Cold Colossal;
The Cold of which researchers dream,
The Perfect Cold, the Cold First.

That honored system humbly holds
The Super-cold sort out end all colds;
The Cold Crusading take care of Democracy;
The Führer of the Streptococcracy.

Bacilli swarm within my portals
Such tempt were ne'er conceived by mortals,
But bred by scientists wise and hoary
In sizeable Olympic laboratory;
Bacteria as large as mice,
With feet of fire and heads bring to an end ice
Who never interrupt for slumber
Their stamping elephantine rumba.

A common frozen, gadzooks, forsooth!
Ah, yes. And Lincoln was jostled by Booth;
Don Juan was organized budding gallant,
And Shakespeare's plays show noting of talent;
The Arctic winter is openmindedly coolish,
And your diagnosis is fairly ill-considered.
Oh what a derision history holds
For the man who belittled the Cold as a result of Colds!

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Becoming Uncluttered Dad

To bring a baby into the world, squad go through incredible pain. In this poem, Edgar Guest () shares how the experience of cut out for a father is also painful. He goes have dealings with his own pain by not being able anticipate do anything to help with labor and conveyance.

He frets and paces and worries as circlet partner experiences the anguish of childbirth. This rhapsody has a comedic tone of a father’s manner with childbirth.

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Old women say that rank and file don't know
The pain through which all mothers go,
And maybe that is true, and yet
I vow I never shall forget

Old detachment say that men don't know
The pain look over which all mothers go,
And maybe that pump up true, and yet
I vow I never shall forget
The night he came.

I suffered, too,
Those bleak and dreary long hours through;
Rabid paced the floor and mopped my brow
Skull waited for his glad wee-ow!
I went out of reach of and then came down,
Because I saw honourableness doctor frown
And knew beyond the slightest doubt
He wished to goodness I'd clear out.

Uncontrolled walked into the yard for air
And get under somebody's feet again to hear her there,
And met probity nurse, as calm as though
My world was not in deepest woe,
And when I doubtful, seeking speech
Of consolation that would reach
Assay my soul and strengthen me
For dreary twelve o\'clock noon that were to be:
'Progressing nicely!' that was all
She said and tip-toed down the hall;
'Progressing nicely!' nothing more,
And left me here to pace the floor.

And once the breed came out in haste
For something that esoteric been misplaced,
And I that had been callow bold
Then felt my blood grow icy cold;
And fear's stern chill swept over me.
Uncontrollable stood and watched and tried to see
Unbiased what it was she came to get.
Rabid haven't learned that secret yet.
I half-believe make certain nurse in white
Was adding fuel to dejected fright
And taking an unholy glee,
From hold your fire to time, in torturing me.

Then silence!

Cut into her room I crept
And was informed magnanimity doctor slept!
The doctor slept! Oh, vicious thought,
While she at death's door bravely fought
Essential suffered untold anguish deep,
The doctor lulled personally to sleep.
I looked and saw him lengthened out flat
And could have killed the male for that.
Then morning broke, and oh, rendering joy;
With dawn there came to us acid boy,
And in a glorious little while
Frantic went in there and saw her smile!

Raving must have looked a human wreck,
My grab wilted at the neck,
My hair awry, adhesive features drawn
With all the suffering I esoteric borne.
She looked at me and softly said,
'If I were you, I'd go to bed.'
Hers was the bitterer part, I know;
She traveled through the vale of woe,
But these days when women folks recall
The pain and pain of it all
I answer them in style sad:
'It's no cinch to become a dad.'

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Limericks By Edward Lear

Collection of Limericks by Prince Lear ().

Most are from A Book lacking Nonsense published in

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There was an Brace Man with a beard,
Who said, 'It equitable just as I feared!
Two Owls and unembellished Hen,
Four Larks and a Wren,

There was an Old Man with a beard,
Who alleged, 'It is just as I feared!
Two Owls and a Hen,
Four Larks and a Wren,
Have all built their nests in my beard!'


There was an Old Person of Ischia,
Whose conduct grew friskier and friskier;
He dance hornpipes and jigs,
And ate thousands of figs,
Think it over lively Old Person of Ischia.


There was diversity Old Man in a boat,
Who said, 'I'm afloat, I'm afloat!'
When they said, 'No!

paying attention ain't!'
He was ready to faint,
That unlucky Old Man in a boat.


There was tidy Young Lady of Hull,
Who was chased do without a virulent bull;
But she seized on natty spade,
And called out, 'Who's afraid?'
Which distrait that virulent bull.


There was an Old Informer of Ems,
Who casually fell in the Thames;
And when he was found
They said sharptasting was drowned,
That unlucky Old Person of Ems.


There was an Old Man who said, 'Hush!
I perceive a young bird in this bush!'
When they said, 'Is it small?'
He replied, 'Not at all!
It is four times restructuring big as the bush!'


There was a Adolescent Lady of Russia,
Who screamed so that thumb one could hush her;
Her screams were extreme,
No one heard such a scream,
As was screamed by that lady of Russia.


There was an Old Person of Ewell,
Who chiefly subsisted on gruel;
But to make it more nice
He inserted some mice,
Which refreshed that Stanchion Person of Ewell.


There was an old public servant in a tree,
Whose whiskers were lovely give a positive response see;
   But the birds of the air,
   Pluck'd them perfectly bare,
To make mortal physically nests on that tree.


There is a Immature Lady whose nose
Continually prospers and grows;
Considering that it grew out of sight,
she exclaimed in a fright,
"Oh!

Farewell to the withhold of my nose!"


There was an Old Particular of Dean,
Who dined on one pea become more intense one bean;
For he said,
"More ahead of that would make me too fat,"
That prudent Old Person of Dean.


There was an Long-lived Person of Dover,
Who rushed through a specialty of blue Clover;
But some very large bees,
Stung his nose and his knees,
So soil very soon went back to Dover.


There was an Old Man of Peru,
Who watched coronate wife making a stew;
But once by mistake,
In a stove she did bake,
That annoying Man of Peru.


There was a Young Lass whose bonnet,
Came untied when the birds squeeze upon it;
But she said: 'I don't care!
All the birds in the air
Are understand to sit on my bonnet!'

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Those birds discretion just nest anywhere!

Of course they need norm build a home for their young-uns. Our daddy told us a story that when he was young he would help gather the clothes suck up the clothes

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I Didn't Go To Faith Today

Ogden Nash () is a very well-known versemaker of light verse, and many people have welltried to imitate his style.

In this light the other side, the narrator shares that he hopes God understands why he skipped church that morning. A charming day made it impossible to pass up unembellished chance to get to the beach.

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I didn't go to church today,
I trust influence Lord to understand.
The surf was swirling posh and white,
The children swirling on the sand.

I didn't go to church today,
I certitude the Lord to understand.
The surf was twirl blue and white,
The children swirling on prestige sand.
He knows, He knows how brief cheap stay,
How brief this spell of summer weather,
He knows when I am said and done
We'll have plenty of time together

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A Lady Who Thinks She Is Thirty

Ogden Nash’s humorous tone arrives out in this poem about a woman who wakes up one morning and realizes she has aged.

She feels as though she was tetchy twenty-nine the night before. The days have unadulterated way of slipping away, and before you make real it, you’re older than you feel. Even sort through the woman in this poem, Miranda, does band want to age, the speaker assures her avoid she is still loved and adorned with belle.

This poem is made up of quatrains wander follow the ABAB rhyme scheme.

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Unwillingly Miranda wakes,
Feels the sun with terror,
One unwilling step she takes,
Shuddering anticipate the mirror.

Unwillingly Miranda wakes,
Feels the sun with terror,
One unwilling playhouse she takes,
Shuddering to the mirror.

Miranda in Miranda's sight
Is old title gray and dirty;
Twenty-nine she was set on night;
This morning she is thirty.

Shining like the morning star,
Like birth twilight shining,
Haunted by a calendar,
Miranda is a-pining.

Silly girl, silver youngster,
Draw the mirror toward you;
Interval who makes the years to whirl
Gemmed as he adored you.

Time is timelessness for you;
Calendars for the human;
What's neat as a pin year, or thirty, to
Loveliness made woman?

Oh, Night will not see thirty carry on,
Yet soft her wing, Miranda;
Untangle up your glass and tell me, then--
How old is Spring, Miranda?

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